The Adventures of Little Stanley
by SheWhoEventuallyWrites
Summary: While on the road trip, Stan takes a bath in some strange water. Now Stan is child with no memory of his adult years who life is put on the line as more and more secrets start to reveal themselves. (inspired by the One and Half-Stans blog on tumblr) IT'S BACK!
1. Chapter 1

The Adventures of Little Stanley

Summary: While on the road trip, Stan takes a bath in some strange water. Now Stan is child with no memory of his adult years who life is put on the line as more and more secrets start to reveal themselves.

Disclaimer: Gravity Falls belongs to Alex Hirch and Disney.

Note: Re-edited! (4/8/2016)

As for the story, this story starts during the episode "Roadside Attractions" and was inspired by the one and half-Stans blog on tumblr which I recently discovered along with TV Tropes. The blog is here: if anyone wants to check it out.

 **Chapter 1: The Cult of the Most Holy and Scared Water**

Stan let out a long sigh as he adjusted the towel around his waist. Today had been one hell of a day. Honestly though, an evil spider woman trying to eat him wasn't the worst date he ever had. Also, he managed to get some bonding done with Dipper, so he felt it was all worth it. Still he was tired and wanted to relax in a nice hot tub.

Unfortunately, it appeared that wasn't going to happen. Long story short, apparently he wasn't allowed in the hot tub due to the mess he had left last time. People were so persnickety nowadays.

"So I guess we'll be joining the girls at the fire." Dipper sighed. Stanley patted him on the back.

"Cheer up, kiddo! I got some stories that'll knock your socks off!" Dipper was about to respond to this when he spotted something strange.

"Hey, what's that?" It was a strange man with a long dark gray robe that simmered in the light of the night. He was saying some prayers over a fair sized pool with water that sparkled just as bright as any star anyone could grab. Stan eyed the man warily.

"Dunno, don't care." Stan didn't know what the man was up to, but he had lived in Gravity Falls long enough to know to avoid freaks in robes. Before Stan could drag Dipper away however, the man spotted them. He pointed at them.

"Unworthy Mortals! Step away from the place where the Most Holy Water lies!" The man warned. His voice boomed with dramatic flair that made Drama students weep. He even posed for effect. Dipper decided not to acknowledge this.

" _Most Holy Water_?" his curiosity inquired.

" **Indeed!"** The man posed as if waiting for lighting to strike dramatically. When it didn't happen he continued. "We move the most Holy Water with the light of the moon so that it's magic will always work it's great enchantment!"

"Really? What does it do?" Dipper asked. Stan scoffed next to him.

"Pssh! Who cares? It just _water_." he muttered. The cloaked man looked as if Stan had hit him with a glove.

"It most certainly is _not_! It is the MOST Holy of Holy water! Blessed by the Great Rabbit who mixes the light to bless the tears that once fell from the moon when the rocket blinded him." Dipper tried to wrap his head around this.

"Uh, what?" The man waved him off.

"Never you mind foolish mortal! Know only the worthy may partake in the great glory of the Most Holy Water! And the ones with a lot of dough." Grunkle Stan rubbed his chin.

"Interesting..." The man saw the mischievous look of a cat.

"You are not allowed in the Most Holy Water, unworthy mortal!" As to emphasize his point, the strange man pulled out a large sign and stabbed a large sign into the ground. It read, _'Do not touch the Most Holy Water unworthy mortals.'_ He then pointed at Stan. " **Obey the sign**!" He demanded then stomped off, complaining how his robe was chafing.

Once they were alone Stan let out a long sigh.

"Well, Champ. I guess the only thing to do is go back to the RV and—PSYCH!" Stan suddenly turned and cannon-balled into the 'Most Holy Water.' When he emerged from the water he was laughing confidently. Dipper chuckled.

"Are you sure about this, Stan? I mean, people in robes are never good news." Stan just laughed in response.

"C'mon kid, live a little! After running from death today we deserve it." The responsible Dipper disagreed, the rebel Dipper wanted more towels.

"Okay! I'm gonna get us some towels." Dipper left and Stan let out a long sigh.

"Ha, ha! 'Off limits'...ah." Stan sunk gratefully into the pool, feeling it do it's magic against his old rustic bones, washing all the pain aside. Stan had never felt so relaxed before in his life. Stan did like to show it, but his age was defiantly starting to take it's toll on him. He was becoming old. He never paid it much attention until Ford came back.

Ford.

Stan grumpily thought of his brother. It wasn't fair. They were the same age (actually Ford was older by fifteen minutes) yet Fordsy never seemed to show any signs of aging. Did he find some sort of special medicine or something wherever he was? Stan didn't dare to ask. He knew that bringing up the dimensional travel would just bring up old wounds and blame he was tired of taking.

Damn... He was sick of Ford. He was sick of Ford and his plans, and his just as old but never tired body, his brain, that he was able to connect with his family so easily, yet locked him out, the fact that he was better than Stan at everything... Heck, he was better than Stan who had just depressed himself.

This didn't last long as the pool seemed really good at taking away every worry he ever had.

Stan let out a relaxed sigh. He wished things could be easier, like when he was a kid. Things were so simple back then and he remembered being so happy and content. Like he was now.

Stan could feel himself drift off as the pool seemed to soak away the years...

*)

Dipper growled to himself as he scouted to the pools for his grunkle.

"Stan! Stan, where are you?" He let out an irritated sigh. If Stan was playing a joke on his he was going to- His thoughts were cut of he heard a desperate splashing. He turned to the pool and saw water being flailed about. Dipper hurried over to the source and quickly grabbed a tiny little boy. Once he had pulled the kid out of the water Dipper did his best to calm the panicking child.

"It's okay! It's okay now." he said. "You're safe now." The boy coughed some more to get the water out of his system. Dipper patted his back to help him, but then he noticed something.

"Wait." Dipper had to fight against the part of him that said looking at a naked child's body was wrong, but looked closely at the child's back. There he noticed on the boy's red, heated back was the burn he had once mistaken for a tattoo.

"No way—Grunkle Stan?!" How was this possible? Dipper had only been gone for ten minutes! How could Stan be a child?! It didn't make any sense!

The child finished coughing and looked up with blurred brown eyes.

"Wha...What happened?" he asked. "Where am I?" Dipper blinked.

"You...You don't remember?" The boy scowled.

"Remember what? What are you going on about?" Dipper could tell that he was getting annoyed. Dipper took a breath.

"Um, this is gonna sound weird, but what's your name and how old are you?"

"Why?"

"Just answer." The kid hesitated, but finally replied,

"Stanley. Stanley Pines."

 _'Ahhh!'_ The kid looked just like Stan when he was a boy! Dipper knew this because Mabel had found an old scrap book of Stan and Ford as kids and had has shoved it in his face going on about how cute they were.

 _'Either he's Stan_ _or Stan had a kid-'_ Dipper's mind immediately rejected this notion as it did not want to picture Grunkle Stan doing the thing that needed to be done to have kids at his age. Also, the chances of having the same mark in the same spot was very unlikely. Especially this _one_.

Dipper's face became a mixture of emotions, but before Dipper could decide which one to hand the wheel to, panic took full control. Fortunately, reason quickly ran up to co-drive.

"Ahh! Okay! Okay. Let's calm down and think about this," Dipper said to himself as he covered the younger boy in a towel. "Let's see... Grunkle Stan jumped in a pool—I went for towels-!" Then it hit him. " _The pool_!" He ran over to the body of water and watched a duck divine in the water and emerge a duckling. "Holy-!"

"What's going on here?!" Two cloaked men ran up to the two boys. They looked between them and quickly put two and two together.

"GASP! The hairy Unworthy one has defied the **MOST HOLY WATER**!" one cried, falling to his knees.

"This is your fault! You were supposed to be standing guard!" the other accused.

"I left _a sign_! A big sign! A sign with red letters and everything that said 'Do not Enter!'"

"You idiot! No one ever listens to the sign! The sign means nothing!"

" _GASP!_ You take that back!"

"I will not! Signs are just as useless as those little pamphlets they hand out everywhere." The man looked as if the other had just said 'Hans didn't shoot first.' They started arguing and the Pine Boys exchanged glanced.

"...I still don't know what's going on, dude." Stan muttered. Dipper sighed.

"Neither do I." He walked up to the two weirdos who were still yelling it out. "Hey! Could you guys just-!"

"-and _now_ we have to kill them! I hope you're happy" Dipper and even Stanley froze.

"Uh, what?"

"K-kill us?!" Dipper forced a nervous laugh. "Eh-heh! You're kidding, right?" They pulled out two large guns in response.

"Guess not!" Stanley, who learned all about guns from his father, grabbed Dipper's hand. "Run!"

The Cloaked men cursed after them with curses that were so pathetic he writer refused to record them.

"We cannot let the unworthy get away!" One of them pulled out a dog whistle and blew. The result was a bunch of people trying to appear from the shadows dramatically. This failed however end up messing up the entrance by stumbling into one another in the dark and tripping over the pretty, but highly impractical robes.

"Ow!"

"Watch it!"

"How can I watch anything when this hood covers everything?!"

"Shoot! I ripped my robe!"

"Oh, great! That's gonna cost money!"

"Why? I can just patch it-"

"We will not have our followers running around with 'patches!'" One who seemed to declare himself the leader cleared his throat.

"Gentlemen!" An insulted cough entered the air. "And _ladies_." Another one appeared. "Yes, yes! And those who have decided to reject gender in general! I was getting to you! For goodness sake...! You have to give me time with these things!" The 'leader' cleared his throat in an attempt to 'regain' some dignity.

"FOLLOWERS! An unworthy has dared to partake of the Most Holy Water!" There was a unified gasp of horror.

"But there was a sign!"

"He ignored it!"

"The blasphemous gall!" The leader rolled back what could only be called shoulders out of generosity and pushed out a chest whose only purpose was to separate the throat and the stomach.

"We must not let this insult go unanswered! We must hunt down the unworthy one and ritually sacrifice him to appease the great rabbit in the sky!" There was a cheer of agreement and they all hefted pitchforks into the air. Which broke almost immediately.

"The heck?"

"Shoot! I knew these StanCo brand pitch forks were too cheap."

"Really? We're a great organization and you can't even afford real weapons?!"

"Well, excuse me for trying to stretch the budget a little! Perhaps if some of use took better care of their robes..." The 'leader' prayed to the great rabbit for strength.

"FOLLOWERS! The unworthy will escape if we do not make haste!" He held his gun aloft so the moonlight could gleam off it. This accidentally blinded another, but he ignored the cry. "Grab what whatever you can and _LET US HUNT_!"

*)

At small fire, Mabel, Grenda, and Candy were soothingly enjoying each others company.

"Hey, watch this!" Mabel shoved a ton of gooey marshmallows in her mouth. Then she let out some garbled growls as she pretended to be a zombie. The other two laughed.

"My turn!" Grenda announced. She grabbed her marshmallow from the stick in the fire and shoved it in her mouth. She quickly found this to be a mistake.

"AHH! HOT! HOT!" she bellowed.

"Here!" Candy handed her a canteen bottle, but Grenda screamed immediately after drinking it.

"HOT COCOA! HOT COCOA!" Candy giggled sheepishly.

"Oops! My bad." Mabel looked up as Dipper and Stan ran over, panting. "Hey, bro-bro! What's up-" Mabel's eyes got wide and doe like when she saw Stanley. At this point the little boy had the towel wrapped and knotted like a toga as it kept slipping off.

"Oh. My. Gosh." Mabel bent down to Stanley, who was a bit creeped out. "You. Are. So. CUUUTE!" She poked at Stanley's chubby cheeks with a weird laugh that made Stanley step back.

"Hey! Stop that." he asked. Dipper stepped forward.

"Mabel, knock it off!" he yelled. "This kid is Grunkle Stan! He took a bath in some sort of fountain of youth and now he's eight years old with no idea who he is! Also some weird cultist are trying to kill us to keep their bath secret!" The girls all blinked.

"This is Grunkle Stan?" Mabel asked. Then out a giant squee as she picked up her mini-grunkle and snuggled him. "Ohmigosh! This is sooo GREAT! Wait until Grunkle Ford sees him!" Candy and Grenda leaned over.

"Aww! He's so squeezy!" Candy said. "He is nothing like his hairy adult self." Grenda made a comment as well, but her tongue was too burnt to make sense. Dipper felt like ripping his hair out.

"Mabel-!"

"HEY!" Stan wiggled out of Mabel's arms looking very annoyed and confused as he watched the older kids. "What are you guys going on about? _Who_ are you guys? And where am I? And who are those weirdos chasing us? What's going on here?" Dipper took a breath. Oh, boy. How do you explain to an eight year old (was that how old he was?) that they're actually pushing seventy and had been turned back into a kid by a magic pool and now they were being chased by cultist?

Mabel stepped forward.

"Oh, sorry! I'm Mabel and this is my brother Dipper! We're your great niece and nephew- we're your griece and grephew! Well, _we_ are. These two are my best friends Grenda and Candy." The other two waved.

"Hi!"

"You are so cute I wanna add you to my doll collection!" Grenda bellowed, her tongue healed enough to allow her to talk. Mabel smiled.

"She has such a soothing voice. Anyway, you're actually _our_ Grunkle, but you don't remember that because you were turned into a kid by a magic hot tub filled with the fountain of youth. And by the way you are soo cute!" Mabel bent down and hugged the boy tightly with a loud squee. Dipper palmed his head.

 _'That's one way.'_ A terrible one. There's no way he would believe that-

"No way, really? That's awesome!" Or maybe it would. "Am I a super cool adult? Wait. Did you say fountain of youth? Isn't what pirates are always looking for? GASP! Are there pirates here?" Stan asked, eyes wide.

 _'Wow. Stan was kinda like Mabel when he was young.'_ Dipper thought. He didn't know how to feel about that. Nor did he have any time to figure it out. For just then a hot towel from a towel launcher blasted over his head.

"What the?! Where did that come from?!" Mabel exclaimed as she ducked another towel. Dipper let out a yelp as rubber ducky was tossed at him.

"Wah! Let's get out of here!"

"Hey, what—whoa!" Dipper scooped tiny Stan into his arms, and started running.

"Whoa! Whoa! Hey! What's going on—whoa!" Stan ducked behind Dipper's shoulder as a bullet glazed past his hair.

"Oh, geeze!" Dipper gasped. "They're _really_ trying to _kill_ us!" Mabel panted as she ran next to him.

"Don't they have any qualms about shooting innocent children?!"

Behind them a few paces the adults were pondering the same thing.

"Nah," one replied. "We're just deceasing the over population that Captain Planet warned us about." At this some of the cultist began to question the morality of their actions, but decided not to dwell. (At least not surrounded by temperamental zealots with weapons.) One couldn't care so long as he got his ducky back.

The children all ran to RV. Mabel pulled on the doors.

"Ugh! It's locked!" she yelled.

"Are you kidding me?!" Dipper cursed. Why was everything going wrong today?

"Maybe we can punch it!" Stanley suggested. Grenda stepped forward.

"Leave it to Grenda!" Grenda pushed them aside and with a mighty growl punched the door in. The children all cheered.

"Great job, Grenda!"

"Awesome!"

"Sweet!"

"Yeah!" Grenda grinned, but as she posed she was hit in the face by a hot towel.

"AHH! MY FACE BURNS WITH THE HOT BURNING FABRIC OF THE TOWEL! AHH! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!" she cried. She fell back and the kids had to work together to get her on the RV. On the RV the Pine children ran to the front while Candy cared for Grenda.

"Okay, okay!" Dipper said to himself, trying to calm himself, but failing. He got a spare key from the mirror flap, but his plan stopped after that. "What do we do now?!"

"We drive!" Stan took the key and used it to turn on the engine the jumped down on the accelerator with full force. The RV took a moment to rev up before blasting off at full speed. The Pine Twins screamed as the RV charged forward, destroying a sign, a fence, and was working it's way through the forest.

The cult cursed as they stared after him.

"Dammit all!"

"They have disrespected yet another sign! Have they no sense respected for the painted word?" The 'leader' held aloft his arm.

"FOLLOWERS! We must not give in to despair!"

"Whose in despair?"

"We must continue the chase!" he pointed to a row of cars. " **TO MOMMA'S CAR!**!"

*)

Meanwhile, the children were becoming the next threat to forest safety.

"Stan! Get the brick off the accelerator and push the break!"Dipper yelled. He was trying to stir the vehicle while keeping his mini-grunkle off him.

"Let drive!" Stan argued as he pushed his grephew. Because towel kept falling off, he was wearing Mabel's sweater to cover himself. "I'm the adult here!"

"No you're not! I'm pretty you're actually younger—whoa!" Dipper gave a sharp turn to avoid a deer. Mabel was in the seat next to them trying not to throw up. Candy and Grenda were doing the same in the back. Stanley grunted as he grabbed the wheel.

"I'm your grunkle! You to do what **I** say!" he grabbed the wheel and yanked it, causing the RV to rip out of the forest and off a cliff. The group all screamed till they bounced on the road. Mabel couldn't hold it in anymore and she barfed into a paper bag. Dipper fought for control of the wheel.

"You're gonna get us killed!" he argued.

"Hey! At least I got us on the road-! Yikes!" At that moment a hot towel was launched through the back window and hit the front.

"Since when do towels have the strength to break windows?!" Mabel exclaimed.

"Never mind—OW!" Dipper tried to move the towel, but got himself burnt when he touched it. "Seriously?! Who carries a hot towel cannon or whatever?!"

Behind the RV, in a pink saburu car, a cult member asked that same question.

"Look! What I do in private time is _private_!" No one pushed further in fear they may actually receive an answer. The 'leader' glared at the RV, as if trying to his mind to make it stop. When that didn't work he tried shooting at it, but found that using a gun was harder than he thought, especially when sitting on the edge of the window.

"Faster, Momma! We are almost upon the unworthy!" he cried.

"Tommy, get in here! You're going to hurt yourself." The little lady sitting on the phone books scolded. "And put your seat belt. Do we have to watch 'Mickey's seat belt video' again?" The leader groaned.

" _Mom_! Just ten more months and you will be deemed adequate enough to use the Most Holy Water to make yourself younger." he yelled. "You will be younger than that young tart that-" He didn't even get to finish as his mother stepped on the pedal making the saburu blast forward. His shrills of terror reached b-movie star levels.

"Mom! Mom! Slow down! Slow down! Mickey says I need a seat belt! _MOMMY!_!"

Up ahead, Candy gasped.

"They are getting closer!" she called up to the others. Dipper and the others panicked as Dipper turned the wheel frantically. Trying to stay on the road while trying to see through the towel. Fortunately it melted through the extremely cheap windows, giving Dipper a clearer view. Unfortunately the view was edge.

Mabel screamed, "DIPPER!" But it was too late. The kids flew off the edge of the road and plunged to the fields below. They all screamed.

"Holy shi-!"

"By the great rabbit!" The cultist behind them whimpered. Most of them started exchanging wills before realizing it would do no good if they die.

"Mom! Mom! W-wait! STOP!" The mother no longer listening to anyone however. Her were cloud with deranged anger.

"Leave me, will you? Well, I'll show you. _I'LL SHOW YOU ALL WHEN I'M YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL AGAIN!_ " she let out a manic cry as she blasted of the edge of the road in pursuit of the unworthy.

Dipper was sure they were going to die. His whole life started flashing across his eyes. He couldn't even respond when Mabel, holding on to him, cried, "Dipper!"

They all flew back to the RV and hit the seat where Candy and Grenda was. Suddenly Stanley caught something.

"Huh? Cool! A gun!" Mabel looked over and gasped.

"My grabbling gun!" she exclaimed.

"Huh? What's a—WHOA!" Stanley accidentally pulled the trigger. The hook shot up and through the already broken window. As it sailed through the air, Mabel got an idea.

"Everybody! Grab onto Grunkle Stan!" They did so and they let out a frightened whimper as they were yanked through the window. Stanley yelped as he felt his arm yank hard and painfully, but he stubbornly held on. There may have been a lot he didn't know, but even he was smart enough to know what would happen if he didn't.

They all hung for a moment before letting out a sigh of relief. Dipper let out a shaky laugh.

"Hah... Hah! We-we made it! We're ALIVE! YES! Whoa!"

"Dipper!" Mabel grabbed Dipper as he almost fell back. Grenda moaned.

"Ugh... Grenda not feel good." Stanley grunted.

"Yeah." he said, voice strained from the stress on his arm. "I'm right there with ya." Mabel beamed at him, completely oblivious to the little boys pain.

"That was great, Grunkle Stan! You saved us!" she praised, squeezing him tighter.

"Yes. You are a real hero." Candy complimented. Stan was happy with the praise, but at the same time he was seeing spots.

"Yup that's me! Um, could we-" He interrupted by the cries of falling cult members as they fell passed them. The cries varied from curse words, cries for family, and, "Save us rubber ducky!" before they hit the field below. There a loud explosion erupted.

The kids all stared as the destruction spread across the corn field.

"Well. That could have been bad." Dipper mentioned. Stan hissed.

"Still can!" he yelled. "Can you guys climb up or something?! My arm feels like it's going top pop off!" Mabel giggled.

"Don't worry! We'll be fine!" she pressed a button and the hook retracted the group up to the top of the road. There all the kids collapsed on the road, gasping with relief and exhaustion. Fortunately there were no other cars about. There was a tired silence until a tone powered be adrenaline piped up.

"That was so cool! Let's grab another car and do it again!" he yelled. The answer was unhappy moans from the rest.

"Well," Dipper said at last. "At least that part's over." After another few minutes he pushed himself. "I guess we're walking home from here. It should only be a couple of miles." Mabel whined.

"Seriously? What about the bus?"

"No money." They all groaned.

"This is the last time I go on a road trip." Mabel muttered.

*)

Miles below, figures emerged from the flame cloaked in silver and fluffy yellow towels. Some questioned how the towels saved them, others decided not to push their luck in fear of turning it.

The 'leader' glanced around at the fiery ashes of their defeat. He held up a blistered palm.

"Followers! Though we have fallen, hope is not lost!" he called. "By the grace of the Great Rabbit and Simon's very fluffy towels, most of us have survived our decent into failure!

"Now, by the grace of the Great Rabbit of the Moon we must once again rise from the ashes of our defeat and avenge our fallen comrads!" He picked up a burning cob and held aloft dramatically.

"By the great blessings of the moon we shall-"

"Uh, dudes?" They turned to Soos who watching them with curious caution. "Er, I don't want to interrupt anything, but do you guys have any money for a bus ticket? I think my ride kinda burst into flames over there." The leader let out an aggravated growl.

"UGH! Why do people always interrupt me?!" He reached into his pocket and tossed some loose change at him.

"Ow!"

"BEGONE WITH YOU UNWORTHY GOFER-MAN!" Soos looked at the change and smiled.

"Thanks, dudes. Good luck with whatever you're doing here. Er, what are you doing?"

"Ugh! Not that it concerns you or your kind, but we are plotting to hunt down the unworthy one who has dared to defile our sacred pool with his filth."

"What he-" Soos whispered this next part. "went to the bathroom in it?" The man jumped.

"WHAT?! NO! No?" He looked questionably towards the others and a terrible horror filled the man. "THIS WILL NOT GO UNAVENGED! THE WRATH OF THE GREAT RABBIT WILL PREVAIL—FOR EVEN THE GREAT MAN IN THE MOON-" Not even the other followers were listening at this point. However, they decided to nod along politely as the man was clearly going through something and needed the support. (Also he was currently waving a gun around. This clearly wasn't the best time to do anything but nod along.) When he was finished Soos blinked.

"Okay then. Uhh—Good luck with that." With that Soos turned and left them. The leader cleared his throat as he turned back to brethren, sisteren, and whateveren his tone 'calmer.'

"FOLLOWERS! We will gather our resources and split. A group of you will report back to the Great and Most Scared of Scared Holy Temples and tell the Great Holy One what has transpired on tonight of woes," He cast a meaningful look at the follower who had an obsession with signs. "The rest of us will climb back up this the cliff of burden and overcome our failure to pursue the unworthy one. We will find him and appease the Great Moon Rabbit with his sacrifice! For now we- **oh, shit!** I gave the man a fifty!" With that he turned and ran in the direction Soos had went.

"Wait! Unworthy Gofer-man! I gave you too much! _I gave you too much!"_

The other members turned to each other.

"Soo... Popcorn?"

"I was thinking more of a simple grilled corn myself."

 **End of Chapter 1**

Only Stan could take a bath and get a cult angry at him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: The Grudge**

The walk back to Gravity Falls was a long, long, long walk. Mabel tried to keep cheer up, but after several hours of the 'la-la' song, the rest were ready to eat her. And food. That was another major problem. Each of them were starving by the time the sun started to rise and not to mention exhausted. So naturally each of them were on their last nerve and it wasn't helped by the fact that Stan was a child. A little child. And therefore he acted like it.

"Are we there _yet_?" he moaned. Dipper silently cursed the person who first put those words into a sentence.

"No. We weren't there five minutes ago when you asked, just like we we're there fifteen minutes ago and we won't be there when you ask again!" he said, his voice rising with every word.

"Ugh! I'm tired of walking! My feet hurt and so does the rest of me." Stanley said as he stubbornly plopped himself on a rock. Dipper rolled his eyes.

"Well, join the club Stan! Maybe if _someone_ didn't tick off an angry rabbit cult thing, we wouldn't have too deal with this!"

"Hey! This isn't _my_ fault!" Stanley snapped back.

"Yes it is! _You_ jumped in the stupid water!" Mabel interrupted them.

"C'mon you two! Look on the bright side," she said. "At least no one is trying to kill us anymore. And look at that sun! How can anyone be gloomy with that smiley face looking at you?" she added to the team who all had rapid sunburns from the exposure. Stan picked at his skin.

"Cool! My skin's peeling." Mabel leaned over and out a playful squeal.

"EWW! That is so gross!" She gave him a playful shove with a loud laugh.

"OW! My sunburn!" Behind them Grenda, who's face was redder than all of them due to previous day of towel assault, groaned.

"Ughhh! I'm hungry!" Then her eyes fell on Candy. "Hmm... I'll bet you're really sweet." she mused. Candy glared slightly.

"Try it and I will give you a 'sour patch kids!'" she warned. Dipper quickly got between the two.

"Guys, there's no need to go cannibal here!" he called, trying to find order before things got violent.

"Right! There are _squirrels_ right over there!" Stan grabbed two rocks and jumped at a squirrel. The furry rodent dodged however and ran up a tree. This resulted in Stanley falling flat on his face.

"Ow!" Dipper sighed as he went over and picked Stanley up.

"We can't keep this up," he announced to everyone. "We'll never make it make it back to Gravity Falls this way."

"What else can we do?" Candy asked.

"Ooh! Maybe we can build a sled and catch a bunch of squirrels to pull it!" Mabel suggest.

"Yeah! We can race down the road." Stan agreed.

Dipper, tired and exhausted, moaned as he yelled, "Enough with the squirrels!" He took a moment to calm himself as he looked around. "Look, there's a payphone over there. We'll use that to call for help."

"Whoa! Those still exist?" Mabel said with awe.

"It is very antique. I wonder if they still work." Candy mused.

As the kids ran across the street to gathered around the pay phone, Stan sat on a rock. There he poked at his feet, which were blistered from the long walk. This moment alone gave him a moment to think.

Since he awoke by nearly drowning in a pool he had been running on adrenaline fueled by crazy people shooting at him and driving off a cliff. Now he was calmed down and his mind was reeling by trying to make sense of what was going on. When it failed to do so, it focused on one, clear solitary fact;

He was alone. His mom and dad weren't here and more importantly, neither was Ford. But then where was Ford? Mabel told him that he was an adult now, so that meant Ford was too, right? Did that mean Ford left him?

Stanley pursed his lips. He supposed he always knew that he and Ford would have to leave each other as adults, but he had also hoped the two of them would grow up to be treasure hunters like the books he and Ford read. Stanley grabbed a stone and threw it into the a bush. The bush in turn bristled like cat fur.

"Huh?" Stanley waited a moment, then grabbed another rock and tossed it. The bush bristled again. Stan stepped back nervously.

"Um guys?" The others however were all busy with the payphone.

"Did he pick up?" Mabel asked.

" _Guys..."_

"No. Ugh! This is just great!" Dipper complained as he hung up the phone. "Who are going to call now—Oh! I know we can call Wendy." Mabel scowled slightly.

"Dipper! We've talked about this! You need to move on and-"

"That has nothing to do with this!" Dipper snapped. "She's still a friend and guess what? She know to drive, so maybe she can give us a ride home. Anyone got another dollar?" Grenda moaned in response.

"We got nothing." Candy stated. "We are kids! We never got any money, that's why we have parents." Dipper sighed.

"Okay, then I guess we'll call collect." he said as he picked up the receiver.

"What's that?" Grenda asked.

"Oh! My parents told me all about it," Candy piped. "See, back in old days people would use collect for _free_ calls."

" **Guys!** " Stanley yelled, a bit louder this time. "There's something weird here." The others, exhausted and tired, ignored him.

"Not now, Stan!" Dipper called.

Stanley, receiving no back up, started to retreat slowly.

"Hah! It's nothing!" he told himself. "Get it together, Stan! You're starting to sound like poindexter." There was rustle in the woods and this time Stan felt something long and cool, like a twig, slide itself down his shoulder. Stanley let out a startled yell as he jumped round. There was nothing.

"What the—what's going on?!" Stanley's skin prickled slightly. He turned back towards the woods, his curiosity fueling him. He crawled onto the steel barrier to get a better view between the trees, wondering if he could see something. As he peered though the trees, a long tentacle whipped out and wrapped itself around him before yanking him into the woods. Stanley could only let out a muffled yelp as he was yanked between the trees.

*)

The followers of the Great Moon Rabbit were not happy.

There was a number of factors to this; the weight and humiliation of their failure to keep an unworthy from their sacred pool, the failure to capture said unworthy one, the exhaustion from climbing up a cliff fraction in with a night's travel, and finally the fact that they were all lost and being eaten alive by mosquitoes and the sun's rays above. This last part was especially bad because the followers haven't seen sun light for years for one and second, their robes were styled to sparkle in the moon light like the diamonds that had been graced to share the great veil. In moon light this worked well and had a very enchanting appearance. In sunlight however the robes were blinding and every few steps a follower would fall back in agony when another blinded him (her, whatever) with their robes.

None of this was helped by the fact that their 'leader' refused to shut the hell up.

"I know the path... is long... and difficult... but we must prevail to return honor and glory to our great—OH GREAT HOLY RABBIT WHY!" he cried, falling back as he was blinded by a sparkly robe. It never even occurred to any of them to remove the robes as the robes were the whole image; without them they were just nut jobs wondering around endlessly in the wild. With the robes however they were _holy_ nut jobs in lost in the wilds with a most scared mission that must be dealt with at all costs.

However, if their leader went off on another long winded speech one more time, then the follower were going to participate in a most _unholy_ mission.

"It's no use," one groaned. "We will never find the unworthy one at this rate." In the narrative laws of comedy, Stan, still bound by the tentacle, slid swiftly by. The followers, who were not on the ground writhing pain, blinked.

"Did you see...?"

"I think we should take a break. The sun is making us hallucinate."

"Quite right brethren, sisteren, whateveren. Unlike the Merciful moon who illuminates the great veil of blackness the sun is ruthless beast burning and-"

"SHUT UP!"

*(

Meanwhile Dipper tapped the receiver nervously, muttering, "Please pick up, please pick up, please pick up..."

" _Hello?"_

" _The AT &T."_

" _Uh, who?"_

" _Do you accept a collect call from—Caller; at the tone, say only your name._ "

"Uh, Dipper Pines?"

" _Do accept the charges?"_ Dipper could just imagine Wendy shrugging.

" _Meh, sure. Dad's paying and I'm not at work."_ she said in her nonchalant way. " _Hey, Dipper; what's up?"_ As soon as Dipper got through he exploded excitedly.

"Wendy! Thank goodness, you'll believe we've been through!" he said, his voice full of relief. "Can you come pick us up? We need help getting home and the girls are too scared to hitch-hike-"

"You are too!"

"- _and_ if we walk anymore my legs are going to detach themselves." Dipper finished, ignoring his sister.

"What happened? Did Stan get himself thrown in jail again?" Wendy asked with a soft scoff.

"No, he just got himself turned back into a little boy and our ride got destroyed when we running from some angry rabbit cult." There was a silence on the other end from the teenager.

" _Uh..._ _ **what?**_ _"_

"I'll explain later. So, can you come get us?"

" _Sure. I just have to wrestle the keys away from my dad. So where are you guys?"_ Dipper glanced around.

"Uh, I'm not sure," he turned to the others. "Uh, where are we?" The others shrugged.

"Ooh! Look over there! It looks like a lumber mill!" Mabel squinted. "Hmm... Lumber Joe's Mill. Where lumber's a million. I don't get it." It seemed Wendy heard Mabel over the line.

" _Lumber Joe, huh...Oh, I remember that place! That's where the old witch used to live there under the cliff."_ There was a slow silence.

"Witch?" Candy repeated.

" _Yeah. Don't worry, she's dead."_ The gang let out a sigh of relief. _"Unfortunately the monster ain't."_ Silence fell again.

"What monster?" Dipper asked. On the other side of the phone, Wendy shrugged.

" _Dunno. My dad just used to say that there was a giant monster that used to destroy all the lumber trucks that passed through. That's why no one uses the back road anymore. Or that Mill. Actually, now that I think about it, it appeared after-"_ Suddenly a sense of dread filled Dipper as he realized that it's been quiet for awhile.

"Stan...?" he said hopefully. "Stan?" Mabel let out a loud, worried gasp.

"DIPPER! Stan's gone!" she yelled as she ran towards the spot where she had last seen him with the other girls. Dipper grabbed his hat.

"Oh man! Oh man! Wendy, get here as fast as you can! And try to get Ford from the shack!"

" _Uh, who?_ " But Dipper had already hung up and was running to join the others.

"He was right here." Candy stated as Mabel continued to yell for Stan.

"Do you think the monster got him?" Grenda asked. This increased Mabel's frantic yells, "Grunkle Stan! Stan, please come out! _Grunkle Stan!_ " Dipper didn't even stop. Instead he jumped the steel barrier and ran into the woods.

"Dipper!" Mabel and the others chased after him. "Where are you going?"

"We have to find Stan!" the boy stated. He didn't know if Stan had wandered off or had been taken by the monster, but whatever had happened he knew Stan was in Danger!

"How? We do not even know what the monster is." Dipper stopped. Candy had a point.

"M-maybe there's something in the journal." Dipper went for the journal, but then he realized something. "No! The journal! **It's gone**!"

(*

Stanley let out muffled cries as he was dragged through the woods by the long, cold tentacle that was wrapped around his little body. He started getting motion sickness as he was slid in every direction imaginable and ways he didn't know were possible. There were countless times that he was sure he crash into a tree, a rock, or a deer, but always yanked away like rubber at the last moment. After many, many, dizzying harrows, Stan was yanked down a deep, deep hole of some sort and was pulled until every spot of light vanished.

When there was only darkness Stanley was dropped to the ground with a large thunderous thump. Stanley's body quivered with the pain one would get when they hit their funny bone. The tentacle finally released him, pulling away from the body with an uncomfortable slither. The boy let out a loud, "OW!" which was cut off by the vomit that had been searching for his throat for awhile, but had been unable to find it due to the fact it kept changing places. Fortunately Stan hadn't eaten for—he didn't even know how long.

As he evacuated whatever was in his insides, a giant, green eye ball opened. This was the only light in an otherwise dark setting. Stan turned towards it and fell back in surprise.

"Whaa! Who...what...?" he stuttered.

" _...well..."_

"Huh? Ow!" Stan felt his shoulder burn as something touched his back.

" _The gall, to return here..."_ The voice echoed around like whispered in his ear. Suddenly a beam appeared illuminated by one a single green eye. It stared hard at him, as if trying to peel his skin and muscles away so he could get to the core of where Stanley was. Stan gulped.

"I... That's..." he tried to be brave and force a smart remark, but was unable to due to. He was too scared and that eye... It didn't even blink. It just watched him. It just watched.

" _Here to finish what you started,_ _ **old man**_ _?"_ Suddenly something wrapped around Stan's neck lifted him off the ground. _"Or did you simply not learn your lesson the first time?_ " Stan gasped for his breath.

"Gack! I'm not..." he squawked. There was a thoughtful pause, but then he was dropped.

" _Hm. It's definitely you. No doubt about that."_ it mused. Stanley whimpered as he clutched his throat.

"What do you want?!" he yelled, determinedly keeping his eyes closed. Even with his lids shut as tight as he could he still see that horrible green light. "Who are you?!" There was a soft laugh.

" _Oh, how delightful."_ Something cold touched his back, making his eyes shoot open. Stan moved to slap it, but missed.

"Stop it!" The echoing chuckle stating that the whatever was clearly amused.

" _You really don't remember or know? No... because you are a child. That's thing with your type; you never learn and as a result you make the same mistake. Over and over."_ Stanley was still scared, but now he was also annoyed.

"What. Are. You. TALKING ABOUT?!" he called. "Start talking or I'll... I'll give you pink eye!" He was startled when the eye suddenly turned pink. "Seriously?! Whoa!" He was lifted into the air.

" _How?_ " the thing asked. "You are more worthless than ever. You can't even beg for your life right." Stanley wiggled.

"P—Please!" he yelled, willing to say anything to get out of here. "Just let me go! I wanna go _home_!" Stanley was then bounced in a sort of playful way by the creature then plopped back on the ground.

" _ **What**_ _home? The one stole or the one you were thrown out of?"_ Each word was filled with amusement at his expense. _"_ _Your 'home' doesn't want you? And why would they? After all you're just a_ bumbling leech _."_

Stanley had to close his eyes to fight his tears of embarrassment. He hated how scared he was. He hated how he was this thing's toy. He just... hated this _thing_! He clenched his fists in anger and felt his fingers wrap around a rock. In his fury he picked it up and threw it straight at the giant eye.

*)

"Oh, man! Oh, man!" Dipper paced the forest floor, in a full out panic. "Oh man, oh man!"

"Dipper!" Mabel exclaimed. "What do we do?!" Dipper pulled at his hair.

"I...I dunno!" he admitted. "I mean I always had the journal for this stuff, but now... it... it's gone..." Dipper felt like crying, in fact he almost was. They were lost in the middle of no where with a monster who probably had their miniature uncle somewhere, and one line of defense Dipper always counted on was gone!

"Well, we can't just stand here! We've gotta find Stan!"

"How?!" Dipper cried. "Mabel, we have no idea where we are or even what we're up against! Even if we did find whatever's out there, there's absolutely no way we can fight it without the journal!"

"That doesn't matter!" Mabel grabbed her brother's shoulders and stared him straight in the eyes. "Dipper! Grunkle Stan has always been there to save us when we needed him! He's fought through an army of zombies for us and punched out a dinosaur for us! Now we're gonna do the same for him! So forget the journal and get your punching hands ready because we're gonna save our family!" Dipper stared, at her for a moment then nodded determinedly.

"You're right Mabel." Journal, or not Stan needed them more than ever. "C'mon! We'll search the whole forest if we have to!" Just as he said this the ground shook and a light exploded in the distance.

"Uhhh, I think I know where were Mr. Pines is." Grenda stated.

*)

Stanley had thrown the rock out of desperation. He didn't expect it to do anything. So when the stone started to glow in mid-throw he was surprised. He was even more so when it collided with the creature's eye and exploded. There was sound of steam leaking out and tiny little lights filled the area. Stanley was in shock for a moment, then bolted to his feet and ran. He had no idea where he was going, but he knew that wherever he was heading it was better than here with that thing. The sound around him was just as piercing as screams. They seemed to seep into Stan's brain to stab every lobe. His ears actually started to bleed as he dashed on. Yet he still pressed forward because he knew what would happen if he didn't. His heart started to drop as the tiny lights started to vanish, but it lifted as the rays of sun appeared at the end of the tunnel. Filled with hope, he ran towards the end only to reach just that; an end. Stanley saw that he was in a deep, deep hole. He might as well have been at the bottom of a mountain.

"No!" he cried. Stan kicked at the wall even though he knew this would do nothing. Then he fell to his knees, almost crying. Hopelessness and despair started to fill him when suddenly-

"Stan!" Stan looked up and saw Dipper and the others. Relief emerged from the pure terror he was feeling.

"Guys!" His joy was just short as the ground started to shake. He turned and saw the reason was as hundreds of black tentacles shot through the tunnel towards him. Stan scrambled at the wall desperately.

"Help!"

Mabel shot the grappling hook at his feet. "Grab on!" Stan did so and the rope started to retract just as the shadow limbs followed him up. The others exchanged frightened looks.

"What _is_ that?!" Mabel exclaimed. Dipper shook his head.

"I dunno! I don't have the journal." He stepped closer to his sister. "Can't that thing pull him up faster?!"

"This is as fast as it goes!" The shadows were getting closer, making Stan curl into a ball. As soon as he was close enough, Dipper grabbed him and they all started running just the shady limbs burst from the hole and shot after them.

(*(

A few steps ahead the followers were having a 'creative discussion' using an extensive vocabulary featuring words that cannot be revealed in this particular story and words that sound as if they were just made up.

"-You blame **me**?!"

"Yes! You! You drama king drop out!" the follower snapped.

"Why you ungrateful _mammothrepts_!" The 'leader' of the followers cursed, using a word from his word a day calender. "If not for I where would you ingrates be?"

"Not lost in the bunny pellet woods!"

"No! You would be running around like a drunken monkey welding a knife!"

"That's what we're doing _now_!"

"No! Now you have purpose; we have direction!"

"Oh, really? What direction?" Just as this question was asked They saw the group of kids rush past them, followed moments later by long black tentracles and a large black shadow. It created a force of wind that threw up into the trees. Caught in the branches like birds, the followers all shared a look that in this modern age had become known at the 'WTF' face. The leader was the first to recover.

"That direction! FOLLOWERS! Our perseverance has prevailed!" The others blinked.

"Are we just going to ignore the giant force of blackness that just passed?" one of the followers asked. "I mean, seriously? Something like that needs acknowledgment."

"Blackness, whiteness, pinkness, it matters not!" came a snap reply. "All that matters is that we capture the unworthy one so we may appease the Great Rabbit!" The leader grabbed a vine. "Followers! Follow me—AH GREAT HOLY BUNNY THIGHS!" The vine snapped as he tried to swing and the follower fell to the earth below as he was cruelly reminded that he wasn't in a jungle nor was he Tarzan.

(*(

The kids ran and ran as fast as they could, trying to escape the darkness behind them. However, they weren't able to get far before the tentacles had caught up to them and were now surrounding all of them.

The swirl of black mass closed in on them, closer and closer, cutting off the air as it did so. Stanley was sure they were goners when suddenly a ray of light appeared. Literally as it sliced the darkness around them. They turned and standing in the direction it came from was- "Ford!" Stanley stared.

" _Ford...?_ " Just then a truck skidded up beside them

"Wendy!" Dipper yelled, relieved. Wendy threw open the passenger door.

"Get in!"she yelled. The kids did so while Ford covered them.

As soon as they were in, he hopped on the back and yelled, "Go! Go!" Wendy didn't need to be told twice and shot off like a charging bull through the woods.

"Oh god! Not again!" Grenda moaned, getting a horrible flashback to the day before as she covered her eyes.

The beast wasn't going to let it's prey go so easily however and sent it's shadows after them. Ford cover them as best he could, but the car's sudden turns to avoid the tentacles which stabbed into the ground in front of them.

"Don't worry, guys!" Wendy called to them all as she swerved around the black spikes. "I can lose this thing no sweat-"

" _HALT UNWORTHY ONE!"_

"WHOA!" Wendy and everyone one else were startled (shocked beyond reason) when a cloaked figure threw themselves on the window of the car. Because they did this, Wendy was forced to do an extremely sharp stop that almost threw Ford off the back and the figure flew off the front, hitting a tree and creating an imprint that would make George of the jungle jealous. Ford saved himself by catching the back, but lost the weapon he was using. "No!"

The group then found themselves in a black cage as the shadows stabbed the ground all around them. They were trapped.

"What now?" A frightened Candy asked.

"What now-?! What was _that_!" Wendy exclaimed as calmly as she could in the situation. She pointing at the follower who was currently trying to push himself out.

"Ah! It's them! But what are they doing here?!" Dipper cried.

"Forget **them**! Why is _this_ thing after us?!" Mabel whined. She turned to Stan. "Stan! What did you do?" Stan shook his head.

"Nothing! It's crazy, just like everything else!" he yelled. His brown eyes stared through the window as a shape formed in the center before them. It appeared to be the shadow of a woman, but it had the same frightening eyes that had watched Stanley in the dark. They were _still_ watching Stan. Stan felt himself go ice cold as the gaze focused on him. He whimpered slightly as he pushed himself as far as he could in the seat. The twins saw this and both covered him instinctively.

The woman raised a hand slowly and all the black tentracles reacted accordingly as Ford leaped on the hood of the car and stood protectively in front of the kids. He threw open his jacket and reached in to grab something from it, but just as his fingers touched whatever he was grabbing a shadowy limb shot out and wrapped around him, lifting the man into the air.

"Ford!"

In the corner the followers were poking their leader.

"You know, I'm starting to think that following this nut-job isn't such a good idea..." one of the four said.

"Still. You got to admire his determination." The leader groaned as he pushed himself up.

"Ooh... Everything hurts." he muttered. Once he managed to regain his footing he straightened himself and tried to make himself looked dignified. After he felt he had done so he stalked towards the shadow of woman, much to the horror of the others.

"Um, excuse me," he said, bolder than he should have been able to in the situation. Everyone turned to look at him, drawn by his bravery and sheer stupidity. "Er, mam—whatever... I can see that you're busy being... well, frightening, but er, you see we need the unworthy one to sacrifice and appease the Great Rabbit on the Moon. So if you would just er, let me grab him we will be on our way." The woman stared and Stanley, having been the sole focus of those eyes, was impressed by the man's ability to stand as firmly as he was.

" _..._ _ **Who**_ _are you?_ " The man drew himself up as much his skinny body could.

"I am a Great Leader and Hunter of the Great Rabbit who stirs the most holy to return what times steals-"

"No you're not! You're just head water carrier." one of the other followers interrupted. The leader deflated.

"Well, they didn't need to know that!" he snapped. "Way to ruin the moment, fool!"'

"You already did that, idiot!"

"Oh, really? Well then! You reason with Lady Creepy Eyes over there and get the unworthy one, while I'll hide behind the tree like a coward!"

"We are not hiding! We are merely observing the situation and determining the best solution!"

Stanley took this distraction as an opportunity to suddenly push his way out of the truck. He didn't know what compelled him to do so, but it was too late to stop himself now.

" _Stan?!_ What are you doing?!" Dipper wailed as he followed. Stan jumped on the ground and picked up the item that Ford had dropped. He then turned towards the shadow woman and, like in the cave, aimed straight for the eyes. The item exploded and an electric field appeared. There was a hiss that echoed like a screech around them as the shadowy limbs shook and waved. Stanley cringed from the sound and barely noticed Dipper carrying him back into the "safety" of the car. Beside them, Wendy glared ahead and revved up the motor. The vehicle roared and charged forward at the limb holding Ford crashed into it. The tentacle vanished and Ford fell into the back with a crash. There was no time to see if he was okay for the other limbs started to waver. This was their one chance!

"Hold on!" Wendy called to everyone. Pressing as hard as she could on the accelerator, the truck took off through the woods, and the followers who had to dive out of the way to avoid becoming hood ornaments. Ford almost fell out, but yanked a gadget that was basically a large magnet from his pocket and stabbed it down, giving him a decent grip. The kids all screamed as Wendy landed on the road with a bounce, but she recovered like a professional racer and maintained control as she raced down it.

Behind them there was a sound of anger, but nothing was chasing them. Turning to see why, Stan saw something like a barrier, keeping the beast trapped. There was no cry or scream of anger, or even any sound. Yet Stanley could still feel the rage as those glowing eyes watched him. They watched Stan and he knew that this wasn't over.

Not yet.

 **End of chapter**

I rewrote this chapter to fit in more with the story. I even added the Followers! My crazy little maniacs. X3


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Informal Information**

The moon shown brightly in the sky that night as it's light danced to everywhere below. However, the light over a small mountain side was so bright it could rival sunshine. This light revealed a sparkling construct built into the side. The structure glittered like stars in the light and was only hidden by the wings of the flying scavengers. In the sky just above the structure were many, many crows who circled the place constantly along with the raccoons below on the ground. Both these thieves of the animal kingdom longed waited for the sparkling glory that was the Hidden Temple of the Moon Rabbit.

They knew their wait would be long however as a grenade fell over them and the crows were shot from the sky by a blue laser.

"Go away ya striped rats and feathered fiends!" a heavily painted man yelled. "You will not defile the temple of the **Most HOLY WATER!** " Another man whose face was covered in silver paint ran up.

"Sir! The raccoon are trying to penetrate the east...west...that wall over there!"

"Well, what are you waiting for soldier!" the 'Sir' yelled. "Grab an explodie stick and alight those suckers into the night!"

"Ahh!"

"AHH!"

" **AHH!** " Both screamed into each other's face for no reason whatsoever. The soldier then ran off while 'Sir' grabbed a long, silver stick. He held it up and blasted the birds in the sky with a bright blue laser that through them in graphic, horror movie ways.

Meanwhile inside the sparkling construct, one of the followers from who had been granted the great duty to carry the water sat, knelt on the floor. His head was hung in great shame and fear. He was alone as the others were either in the hospital, buying new robes, or buying towel guns. Above him, sitting in a bunny shaped throne was their Great and Most Holy Leader who was deemed so holy, she could be be also be unholy. Her name had long since forgotten as such things were discarded after a certain time, so the followers just called her the Great Holy One. When pressed for a name by those of lesser stature she would reply that her name was, " _Nullus enim tuorum damn negotium Stultus._ " This was a greater mouthful so she was simply refeered to as the Great Holy One.

Right now she was staring down at the follow from behind a great silver mask in the shape of a rabbit with cresent moons for eyes. Even behind the silly thing, the follower could feel the disappointment and anger.

"You were entrusted with _three tasks_ ," she said, her voice deep and cutting like the wind in winter. "First; carry the most holy water. Second; pick me up a souvenier from the Upside Down attraction. Third..." There was a long, long silence. The follower glanced up, wonder if she had dropped dead durning mid-sentence. He was then thrown back by his own shock when she bellowed, "DO NOT LET AN _UNWORTHY_ PARTAKE OF _**THE MOST HOLY WATER!**_ " The area practically shook from the woman's boming rage. The follower winced in fear and trembled.

"We-we had a _sign_..." he whimpered. The silence that followed was worse than the explosion before. The follower slowly looked up and watched the woman like a deer watches a car before it's hit.

"I see." The silk of the Great Holy One's moon white robe simmered in the faint blue light as she moved. "In that case, you are granted a test. Pass and you will be granted a chance at redemtion. Fail and you... _fail_." The follower gulped and fell back as something emerged from the floor. It was a red button that read, _"_ _Do not press."_

The follower stared as conflict arose in his mind.

The sign was clear in it's meaning. Do not press. That meant pressing was not allowed. Pressing the button was not allowed. It was quite simple.

Yet...

What was the button? What did it do? Why was there such a thing here? Did it open a door? Did it make something go boom? He was a boy. He liked seeing things go boom. That's why he went to Micheal Bay films (among other reasons). And the color red was so warm and inviting, like juicy apple or a pretty rose.

Sweat gathered on his brow and temples in beads.

Pressing was not allowed. Pressing the button was not allowed. It was not allowed! Pushing... _pushing_ was different. The two were different. 'Pushing' had a 'U' as in ' **U** ' should push it. Yes. Yes that made sense. Pushing was okay so long as he did not press.

So he did.

 _ **ZZZAAPP!**_

Light exploded like a storm brought upon the fury of the gods and in less than a moment ash fell, leaving only the shiny red button.

The Great Holy one calmly stood, her silvery jewelry twinkling like bells as she did so. She took a short breath.

"LUN DAAAR!"

There was a moment of silence before a laser cut through the roof. A second later a man fell through the recently made hole.

"Sorry it took me so long, Great Holy one," 'Sir' said as he cracked his neck. "But those birds are getting smart. But don't worry; I got a plan that bring a whole new meaning to flipping the bird..." The Great Holy one cut him off.

"Never mind. You are being called to fulfill one of your great holy duties." Lun Dar thought for a moment.

"Oh, has a gofer made it in? Damn! First the nuclear base, now here? Ughh! Don't worry, I'll smoke them out..." He reached for the smoke bomb at his belt.

"No. This goes beyond ' _extermination'_ to SACRIFICE!" The Great Holy One bellowed. Lun Dar blinked.

"You... want to sacrifice the gofer?" he asked slowly. Then he shrugged. "Well, okay. I'll admit it has been a little slow around here..."

The Most Holy One rolled her eyes.

" **No**. An _unworthy_ has partaken in the **MOST SCARED HOLY WATER**!" Lun Dar let out an angry gasp of shock.

" _How dare he?!"_ He had look of complete anger and horror. "How **dare** an _unworthy_ partake the scared pool?!" he roared.

The Great Holy One pointed to the doors. "Go, Lun Dar! Hunt down the unworthy one and bring him back for the purification!"

In response to this, Lun Dar let loose a series of lasers across the room while letting out a loud, manly cry. He stopped when he saw the Great Holy One glaring at him.

"Lun Dar. We talked about _this,"_ she hissed. "You can't keep breaking the place! These are _real_ diamonds and pearls! Seriously, do you know how much it costs to repair all this?! Plus the budget of replacing the robes that no one bothers to up keep?" Lun Dar shifted his silver stick awkwardly.

"Oh. Um. Sorry?" He thought of something. "Um, by the way do you know who I'm looking for? I mean, a name, a picture, weird Harry Potter style scar...?" There was a slight glare.

"...Talk to the Water Carriers." The Great Holy One then cleared her throat and bellowed, "NOW GO! GO AND UNLEASH THE WRATH OF THE GREAT RABBIT AND STRIKE FEAR INTO THE **UNWORTHTY ONE**!"

*)

It was awhile before Wendy felt safe enough to stop, but she eventually did so if only because she had to let Ford in.

All of them seemed to take a breath at the same time.

"Ah, man! That was almost worst than the last time I was here. Everyone okay?" Wendy asked the children as Ford came around. Mabel, who was hugging Stan, spoke.

"Grunkle Stan's hurt." she announced, taking note of the many wounds that he held. Stan pulled way from her.

"'m fine." That was a lie. He wasn't fine. It wasn't any of the scrapes or bruises that bothered him, but the memory of those bright eyes that sent shivers down his spine. He looked away from everyone, feeling ashamed that he felt this way. Wendy blinked as she stared at him.

"Whoa, _Mr. Pines_? Is that **you?** " she asked. "Dang, you did it again? I thought you were going to embrace your age or whatever." Before Stanley could answer, Ford came around to the door to check on everybody himself. When he saw Stan, he froze.

" _Stanley_?" The child tilted his head at him, but didn't say anything. He didn't get a chance to for suddenly the man stood, fists clenched at his side.

"Dammit, Stanley!" he snapped. "What did you do this time?" Ford tensed as the boy's face shifted from curious to defiant anger.

"What are the heck you talking about, grampa?!" he yelled loudly, all his pent up emotions spilling out. " _ **I**_ didn't do anything! I have a clue what that— _that_ was! I don't why I'm here, or what here is, or and stupid thing! And w _ho are you_ anyway, huh?! And you better have a stupid name or I'll punch you! I swear-!" Then his head started to feel light and Stan fell to his knees. Wendy grabbed him and pulled him over to her. She briefly glared at Stanford, then turned her attention to the injured minor in her arms.

" _Damn_. You really took a toll fighting that thing, huh little guy?" she said in the tones of a trained older sister. She turned to Mabel. "Mabel, grab the first aid, will yeah? It should be under the seat." While the girls tending to Stan, Ford turned to Dipper.

"Dipper. What happened?" He didn't notice that Dipper was just as shaken as the others until he started to speak.

"We were! They were! Grunkle Stan-" He took a breath. "WewentonatriptovandalizeothertouristattractionsandmonstermountainGrunkleStanalmostgoteatenbyagiantspiderwomanandIwasdumpedbyeverygirlImetonthetrip,butthat'snotimportant!OnthewaybackwestoppedatanRVcampwhereGrunklejumpedintoapool,butitturnedoutthatthepoolwassomesortfountainofyouth!ItturnedStanintoakidandthenaweirdcultappeared,andtriedtokillus,butwedroveoffacliffand-" Ford and Wendy were both surprised and impressed by the child's lung capacity.

"Uh, what?" Wendy asked. Ford bent down and look Dipper in the eye.

"Calm down, Dipper. Take deep breath and repeat that. _Slowly_." he said. Dipper did and then explained everything all over again with the help of the others, minus Stan who being tended. It was a long story, but it gave Stan a chance to calm down and relax. When they were finished with the tale Ford blinked and looked at all of them, confused.

"I thought you were just going on a road trip!" he exclaimed.

"Well, we got caught up with one or two other things along the way." Mabel said.

"Obviously." Ford looked over at Stanley who had passed out in Wendy's arms.

"He's okay." she quickly assured him. "But I think he has sunstroke, sun burn, scrapes, but no major cuts, and his feet are pretty blistered. Also, something made his ears bleed. We should take him to Dr. Strange when we get back, along with the rest of them." Ford momentarily marveled at the girl's ability to take charge. Mabel fell back.

"Ugh. Can we get something to eat? My stomach's eating itself." she muttered. Grenda and Dipper moaned in agreement.

Ford looked to Stan, who looked as if he had been dragged through an abyss. Millions of memories came back as he looked at very pink face, each memory bringing a bag of emotions with them.

 _'Leave it to Stan to cause trouble on a simple road trip.'_ he thought before saying, "Alright. Let's go."

*)

The trip to the doctor's was fairly quick. The kids barely remembered it at all. Ford himself expected trouble and questions, but the doctor seemed to have a 'weird stuff happens so often that I don't wanna know about so I won't ask' policy. The kids were deemed fine, but needed lots of hydration and food followed by rest and burn ointment. Stanley was worse off than the others having hit his head pretty hard, but fortunately it wasn't anything he couldn't sleep off, which he was doing as the team drove home.

"Well, that was a long trip." Mabel said with a relieved sigh after dropping Grenda and Candy off. "But you gotta admit it was really exciting."

"You say that again." Dipper agreed with a long breath.

"Okay. Well, that was a long trip. But you gotta admit it was really exciting." Dipper gave her a playful shove and both giggled, but only slightly due to their exhaustion.

"Still, I wonder about that 'holy water cult' stuff." Dipper mused thoughtfully.

"Speaking of which, you think they made it out alive?" Mabel asked. Dipper shrugged.

"I never heard of a cult with a Fountain of youth," Ford said. "But I'm more worried about that thing in the forest."

"Yeah, what was that thing anyway?" Dipper inquired. The grunkle shrugged.

"I don't know. Thirty years ago, a powerful witch lived there, maybe it's her?"

On the other side, Wendy shook her head. "Nope! She's dead." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Might be one of her weird Demon slaves though..." The twins stared at her.

" _Demon slave_?" Both repeated.

Wendy shrugged her shoulders as she drove. "Well, let's just focus on one thing at a time, like _this_." She nodded to the sleeping Stan on Mabel's lap. "You guys _can_ fix this, right? I don't wanna get involved with any witches after last time." Ford nodded his head.

"I think so," he said. "I mean, everyone's heard of a fountain of youth, but no one has ever been able to find it. If I had a sample, I'm sure I could come up with a cure."

"I don't think that'll be possible. The cult said that they move it." Dipper pointed out.

"Yeah, how do they do that anyway?" Mabel wondered. "Do they use buckets or bottles? Gasp! Maybe they use water nymphs! Or mermaids!"

"Mermaids eat people and live in the ocean, though there's a colony in the lake." Ford mused. "And even then they can't walk. The nymphs might be a possibility..."

"But you'll still be able to _cure Mr. Pines_ , right?" Wendy interjected. Dipper was surprised to see her like this. In the past she and Stan never got along, but right now she seemed kinda worried about him.

"Hm? Oh, yes. Eventually. I'll just take some blood and see if that gives any results. After that I'll run a few tests with some equipment." the adult replied.

"Whoa. You like got this whole mad scientist thing going, huh— _aww man_!"

They had all just pulled up to the shack where they were met with a sight. The shack had been vandalized as it was covered with yarn and spray paint, while the signs had all been turned upside down, and there was corn everywhere. The one responsible for this were still breaking up the shack.

"What the heck?" A man in a corn suit suddenly appeared next to the kids and broke the front light of Wendy's jeep.

"That's what you get! That's what you get man" he yelled at Stanford. Then he, an old lady, and a man wearing his hat upside down, bolted.

"Hey! That's my dad's car!" Wendy hollered after them. They were already gone however so all Wendy could do was groan.

"Ugh! This is just great! What am I supposed to tell my dad?" she complained. "A man in a corn suit broke the headlight? Man, I used that last one week!" Stanford looked around, confused.

" _Who_ were those guys?" he asked. Dipper let out a sigh.

"Oh boy. I forgot about them." His shoulders dropped. "Are we going to have clean this all up?" Mabel waved his concern off.

"Nah, I'm sure Soos will take of it. Hey, where is Soos?" Dipper shrugged as Stan climbed down.

"Dunno, I haven't really seen him much on the trip." he thought for a moment. "Oh man! I hope we didn't leave him with those cult guys!" Mabel blew through her lips.

"I'm sure he's fine!" she said. "He always is!"

They said their goodbye and thanks to Wendy and went inside.

"Well, at least that's all over." Dipper said as he opened the door. As he did a ton of corn came tumbling out, burying Mabel as it did.

"Ahh! It's stuck in my braces!" she cried. Waddles, who Dipper thought looked a bit larger than when they left, and started dig Mabel out by eating the corn. Ford stepped over them as Dipper pulled Mabel up.

The house was a compete mess of corn and yarn. Also, almost all the furniture had been turned upside down and he saw beavers running about. Ford rubbed his eyes with one hand. Leave it to Stanley to anger a group of weirdos. It was like when they were kids. Speaking of which...

Ford glanced down at the boy in his left arm, who was still sleeping off his head injury. His thumb traced one of the band-aids he had. Staring at the young boys face brought back many memories along with some emotions as well. Stanley was a very "spirited" boy as a child and refused to wear glasses that he really needed. As a result Stanley was always covered with bandages.

Ford released a tired sigh.

What in the world was he going to do? As if his brother hadn't caused enough problems already, now he had add another child, a cult, and a demon to the mix. Honestly, couldn't Stan just go on a trip and **not** cause trouble?

It was always like this. Stanley would screw up somehow and he was left cleaning up the mess. Even as kids; Ford remembered when they were eight and Stanley decided to get into the fireworks for the fourth of July. He and Ford played with the sparklers pretending that they were wizards until Stan got the brilliant idea to tie a bunch of fire crackers together and light them. Well, Stan stood too close to the pile and ended up with a burn on his arm. Well, they couldn't tell their parents the truth so Stan hid the burn and Ford ended up nursing him until his arm was healed.

A grim of grin was on his face as he opened the door. Somehow... the memory didn't seem so bad now. Ford laid Stanley on the bed in the room his brother occupied for thirty years. It was as clean as their room was as children.

 _'You'd think he'd learn to tidy up.'_ Ford thought as he tucked his little brother in. Ford stared at his brother for a bit longer, then left.

 **End of chapter 3**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: We have to Fix this**

Stanley moaned lightly as he woke up the next day. He yawned as he sat up, rubbing his eyes.

"Mmnn... Ford? Man! You'll never believe the weird dream I had..." He opened his eyes and found that he was not in his room, nor was he in his bed. Instead he was in strange room where he had sunk into the bed, which formed a slope in the middle, pulling him to the middle. Startled at the unfamiliar surroundings, Stanley pressed himself up against a bed post, accidentally hitting his head against it.

"Ow! What?! What the heck?! Where am I?"

The room was new and unfamiliar. A mess was strewn about everywhere along with old man underwear which was enough to give anyone nightmares. Beavers were gnawing at everything, even the bed which tipped after a beaver took a leg.

Oh man! Where was he?! Where was Ford?! Where was-

Stan's memories fought through the mists of his mind and slapped him with vengeance in the form of a million and one bruises, sun burnt skin, and blisters all over his little feet. With a moan the little boy fell back, his thoughts running like a train. That's right. He was in the future. But how? How was he here? And why? If Ford was here, Stanley would have some answers, but he wasn't. He was alone. Stanley angrily wiped at a tear that escaped his eye as his face scrunched. He would never admit it, but he was scared, terrified even. His body hurt, his head was hazy, and worst of all Ford wasn't here. And if that was the case, where was he? Was he still in the past, or was here, lost and alone?

This thought was enough to motivate Stanley get up and start moving. He crawled to the end of the bed where the clothes laid. He knew he couldn't run around naked, or in a girly sweater. (Especially in summer. God, this thing was hot.) After pulling on some Hanes, he pulled on a red shirt over his head. It was about a size or two too big for him so it just barely clung around his shoulders and the sleeves went past his elbows. The blue shorts were also in the same category, so Stanley had to pull the string tight around his waist and knotted it. Or at least Stanley made what was his equivalent to a knot which was just a tangle of strings that somehow managed to hold together.

Stanley reminded of the wounds on his feet when he slid off the bed and on to the floor, but this didn't stop him from slowly walking to the door and entering the hallway. He glanced about nervously. There was a lot of corn and yarn everywhere with beavers taking pieces of the house for what Stanley guessed was a dam. Honestly, this place was messier than his and Ford's room. Which was saying something because between him and ford it was surprising there was a floor. He shook his head. He had to find out what was going on.

He decided to find Mabel and Dipper. Maybe they would give him answers that in retrospect he should have asked earlier.

(*

Meanwhile, downstairs in the living room (or what was left of it) the twins and Ford had decided to tidy up a bit as the corn made movement almost impossible in the household. Waddles was more than happy to lend his support by eating everything in sight.

"Sigh! Leave it to Stan to tick off people who retaliate with corn, yarn, and beavers." Ford muttered, annoyed.

"Ha! Look at this," Mabel laughed, pointing to her sculpture of a princess with a unicorn head. "I made a uni- **corn princess.** Get it? Get it?"

"Uh..." Before the two males could comment, Waddles leaped at the structure and started to eat it.

"No! Waddles! You're eating my master piece—GOMPERS! Not you too!" The goat had joined the fay and now the two were playing a game of tug a war with the corn princess' head. As Mabel tried to stop them, Dipper turned to Ford.

"Great uncle Ford, what are we going to do about Stan?" Ford sighed. Heck if he knew. With all that had happened yesterday, he hadn't even had time to think about any of this.

"Well, we're at a disadvantage because we don't have any samples of the water that changed Stan, but I may be able to get something from his blood." he mused. "In the mean time, we'll just have to watch Stan to make sure there aren't any other side effects."

"You mean aside from de-aging sixty or fifty years and losing his memory of his adult years?"

"Exactly."

(*(

Stanley came to the stairs where he heard voices talking. He stopped and listened when he heard his name like most children do. He grabbed a bar of the stairs and leaned forward as far as he could, trying to eaves drop. He heard something about blood, side effects, and memory, but before he could piece anything together the pole he hand been holding onto broke and Stan was sent tumbling down the stairs.

"Whoa!" With a BUMP and a CRASH, Stanley landed on the bottom floor, new bruises aggravating old ones. Stan cursed using a word he'd hear his dad say once in a while when he's stub his toe. Everyone dashed into the hallway.

"Stan! Are you okay?" Mabel ran to him while Ford examined the scene and sighed.

"Stan, do you have to break everything?" he said irritably. Stan rolled his eyes. Great. It was this stupid guy again.

"I didn't do anything!" he snapped. Suddenly everything came crashing down him. He didn't know why, but feeling of confusion, fear, and anger all came swelling in his throat and head. Stan didn't even care about his poor battered body covered with sunburns, scrapes, cuts, bruises, and blisters. He was scared. He was mad that this old freak was yelling at him. He wanted to go home. He wanted to know why he wasn't home. He wanted to know why Ford wasn't here.

This must have shown on his face because Mabel started cooing at him like a baby.

"Hey, it's okay..." Mabel tried to reassure him.

"No it's not!" Stan yelled, angry at being talked down to and treated like a toddler. "What's going on here, _huh?!_ And who is this freak is!" Ford winced at the insult.

That word always had a psychological effect on him and the fact that it came from Stanley made it worse. Worse than that, it came from Stanley from a time when he was his best friend. He had remind himself that Stan had no idea what was going on and didn't know who he was so obviously didn't really mean it.

Swallowing his annoyance at being called a freak, Ford walked over to the child and bent down. He didn't know where to begin though. Ford didn't know anything about kids.

"Look, Stan. I can explain everything-" He lifted his hand and Stanley who had been watching the man suspiciously, brighten.

"No way! Bro?!" Ford jumped as the boy suddenly leapt and scrambled over him to his hand. He stared at it, running his much, much smaller hands over each finger. Then looked up at the man with bright, innocent brown eyes that made Ford swallow. "Sixer is that... that **you**?!" Ford coughed, unsure what to say.

"Well...yes..." he mumbled, rubbing the back of his head. What did you say to the child version of your estranged twin brother who you've only recently reunited with after 30—40 years of bad blood?

"Whoa...! You're— _old._ "

"Yes, well..."

"Really old!"

"Okay-"

"Like _grampa_ old!"

" _Okay_ , Stanley!"

"Older than grampa now that I-"

" **Okay**!" The twins giggled behind them as Ford rubbed his eyes with one hand. Stanley almost bowled him over excitedly while bombarding him with questions.

"Cool! Am I as old as you? Well, of course I am we're twins after all! Where did we get all this weird stuff? Are we treasure hunters? Did we find Eldorado? Atlantis? Narina? What about the Stan O' War? Hey what's with the corn and beavers? Are these the remains of a corn-droid piloted by beaver men? Did we— _WHOA!_ What's that?!"

" _Careful_!" Ford grabbed Stan as he reached for the gun around his waist. "Stanley, will you act your age?!" Oh. That's right he was.

Ford watched the boy as his head tilted in confusion. Ford remembered that dopey look he carried when he was befuddled by something. The eyes full of pure, honest innocence that his older counterpart somehow held on to despite everything he'd done. That stupid, stupid look.

"What's the big deal? I got one too, right?" he asked.

"What? No! No you don't." Did he? Ford had no idea. Did Stan ever find the need for a gun? Gravity Falls was a dangerous place and considering that Stanley was pretending to be him, did Stan ever- Ford shook his head. No, Stan was obviously fine. He saw him. Other than the age and extra weight, Stan was fine, he was always fine...

"Whoa look at all that!" He ran to an item that had a fish head glued to a rabbit's body. He laughed at it. "Ha, ha! Oh, man! What is this?" Before he could get an answer he spotted Waddles. "Whoa! Is that a _pig_?" Mabel beamed.

"That's Waddles! He's an important member of the family; you even saved him from a dinosaur once!" Stan's jaw dropped.

"Seriously?! You have dinosaurs here?!" After yesterday there was very little he wouldn't believe. "And I fought one?!" His eyes were beaming with excitement. All his terror and other emotions were gone now, most likely due to the fact he knew Ford was there (even though Ford was a grampa now).

Ford tried to focus his thoughts. Tried. He knew he had to get everything under control. If only he knew where to start.

"Okay. Stanley," He bent down and picked up Stanley up off the floor. "Stanley, what's the last thing you remember?" Stanley scrunched his face in thought. He tried to remember everything that happened, but his head really hurt...

"Umm...oh! We were treasure hunting on the beach and found an old pirate boat!" he said cheerfully. "It was in a secret cave with a lot of weird stuff and... and..." Stanley frowned and placed a hand to his head. He knew there was more, but he couldn't remember it. "And... I dunno. There was water? Really hot, yet really cold water. That was bright. Really, really bright. Then I met him." He nodded at Dipper, who looked thoughtful.

"So the water was hot and cold at the same time?" he asked. "Do you mean lukewarm?" Stan shook his head.

"No, it was boiling, but at the same time it was freezing!" he said. Ford puzzled this. The water was defiantly enchanted, any idiot could figure that out. The question for him was was it like the enchantments the gnomes, unicorns, and fairies had, or was it like the ones Bill and his gang had.

Either way, it didn't make things easier. Magic was complicated which was why Ford could only learn a few spells even with Bill's help.

"Sixer?" Ford was brought out of his thoughts by Stan, who blinked at him. "Are you okay?" Ford smiled slightly.

"You're one to talk." he said, motioning to the cuts. Stan waved him off.

"Pssh! Who cares? These are just gonna be awesome scars added to my super cool, monster hunter self!" Dipper raised a hand.

"Er, actually..." Mabel shushed him.

"Let him believe what he wants," she said. "Look at him! He's so happy with the idea. And it's not like it's gonna hurt anyone." Dipper disagreed with this, having the feeling that this would lead to trouble later, but kept his mouth shut. After all, Ford didn't seem to care. Instead he stood, holding Stanley in his arms.

"Stan listen," he said. "You've cursed with some sort of enchantment. It's important that we fix this as soon as possible. I'm gonna take you down to my lab where I'm gonna run some tests, alright?" Stan's eyes widen.

"You have a lab! Cool! Do you make a lot of cool stuff down there? I wanna see!" Ford smiled despite himself.

"That's the plan."

This had to be fixed as soon as possible and that's exactly what he intended to do before all this got out of hand.

Far, far, away in the Blinding hills within the Most Holy Temple Lun Dar walked tall and proud through the great long halls, till he came to a great silver door. He kicked it open.

The doors then reveal a giant, dark cave lit by small, round lamps that looked like tiny moons. The halls still sparkled, but not in a way that would make a person fall back blind. As Lun Dar followed these halls he was joined by one of the followers.

"Er, Captain Lun Dar, sir?" they said in the timid tone of meeting person they admired, yet were afraid this first meeting would be the last. "I, er, have the information about the Unworthy one." Lun Dar let out a growl.

"The Unworthy one!" he seethed. "Mark my words, we will fix this! By the next full moon we will drink his blood from his beating heart and feast upon his unworthy carcass as we purify THE MOST SACRED WATER!"

He let out a mighty, cry as he stepped out of the hall and into the underground dock where many, many silvery boats laid in wait. Upon each one were followers dressed as pirate with sparkly fabric that made them look as if they should be in a 'Peter Pan' broad way show. They let out the same cry as Lun Dar for no particular reason other than they felt it was expected of them. (The alcohol they were drinking might have also played a part.) Some of them fell over board, due to this, but they were ignored.

Next to Lun Dar the follower shifted.

"Really?" he said. "I thought we just going to kill him in a sacred ceremony?" Lun Dar rolled his eyes.

"Yes, that's all we're going to do." he stated, annoyed that what he deemed 'a cool "manment" was ruined.

"Oh good. I mean, I have nothing against becoming Vampires, I mean everyone want to be a vampire and it would fit in with what we do. However, well, we say 'holy' and 'scared' a lot and well, vampires aren't either. Are they? Also, we use like, a lot of lights so that kinda work against us, wouldn't it? Plus, well we sparkle. A lot. And you know what they say about sparkling vampires..."

"Look! It's just something you say to sound cool, alright?!" Lun Dar snapped. "It's like saying 'I ate my way out of a dinosaur!' You say to make yourself sound manlier, okay?! Gawd!"

He stomped towards the S.S. Nescimus Quid Facitis, a large white ship with Silver sails and edges. Once he was close to the boat he whipped out a grappling gun and shot it towards the crow's nest. It hooked and Lun Dar let himself be dragged into the air before dropping on deck. He grinned madly as everyone stared.

"Set sail!" he bellowed. "Open the great doors so our great hunt can begin!" He pointed towards the mighty sliver doors and worker madly pulled at the levers.

Lun Dar walked with poise towards the front of the boat as the water carrier scrambled aboard.

"So! Where is our mark?" he asked him.

"In Gravity Falls, Sir!" The follower informed him. "I found the Unworthy one's wallet. We're looking for 'Stanford Pines.'" Lun Dar took a deep breath.

"Ah, Gravity Falls..." he thought for a moment. "Didn't we use to deliver there?" The follower shrugged. "Bah! No matter! We shall storm gravity Falls and reclaim our lost honor!" He pointed forward. "ONWARD! We shall capture the unworthy one and cleanse our MOST SACRED WATER!"

He, and the other Pirates shared a cry and the boat charge forward. However, they forgot to take into consideration that the giant doors were on 'dramatic slow opening' mode and the boat was going at a great speed. As such the boat cashed and the doors were made of solid thick diamonds, splintered into a thousand pieces and sent the passengers flying everywhere in a dramatic explosion that shouldn't have been there, but was just for dramatic's sake.

Perhaps next time they'll wait till they're _outside_ before they mindlessly charge the boat forward.

 **End of Chapter4**

I wouldn't count on it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Meeting new old Friends**

A day passed since then and honestly, Stanley was annoyed. Sure, he liked all the neat stuff Mabel showed him. Especially the television shows nowadays were a lot better than the one in 1960s, (they were even in color!) but he wanted to spend time with Ford! Unfortunately after getting the blood samples, the man had ushered Stan out of the lab and hadn't come out since. Which was disappointing for Stanley as he wanted to hang out with his "big brother" (which was more literal than ever) and ask about their future together.

"Stanley, please!" Ford said in the tense tone of an adult trying to keep his cool. "I'm trying to work here."

"You've been working all day!" the sixty year old in a six year old body and mind whined.

"Stanley. It's been an hour."

"Feels like forever." Stan looked longingly at the back of his brother. "Can't you take a break? I wanna check out this place."

Ford let out a sigh. He wasn't in the mood for this; yesterday's events had left Ford tired and exhausted, not to mention a bit sore. He was amazed at how Stan was able to jump and run around like he was despite the doctor insisting how badly he had been hurt. Then he remembered how durable Stan always was; you could drop a house on the man and he'd come staggering out with only a headache. It was almost admirable.

"Stan, don't you want to return to your proper age as soon as possible?" Stanley folded his arms and pouted.

"Not if I'm as stuffy as you." he mumbled.

Ford rolled his eyes. "Well, you'll be happy to know that we're nothing alike." He made a mark in his notes after checking a computer screen. Stanley walked over and tugged at his coat.

"C'mon, bro! That stuff can wait a little bit. I mean, the cult got eaten and the monster can't get here, right? So what's the rush?"

Ford finally looked at his brother. The boy brought so, so many memories and in all honesty Ford didn't want those memories as it made the present so bitter. Besides, Ford had questions to answer like, what was that cult? How long had they been around? Where in the world did they find the fountain of youth water? And that monster, what was it exactly? Why couldn't it come after them? And why did it seem to hate Stanley? (Okay that last one wasn't such a mystery. Stan's personality wasn't exactly a likeable one to many.)

Standing stiffly, Ford walked over to the child and ushered him towards the elevator.

"Stanley. Why don't you go hang with Mabel and Dipper?" he said, completely ignoring the boy's protests. "I'm sure they'd love to play with you." Stan let out a disagreeable cry as Ford pushed him in the lift.

"But-!" The door closed with a loud _KRLANK! a_ nd Ford let out a breath of relief as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Finally! I might actually be able to get some work done." He said, ignoring how empty the lab suddenly felt now as hole in heart throbbed.

(*((*9

If there was one thing the followers of The Great Moon Rabbit were good at it was recovering quickly. This could be credited to their determination and sick persistence. It was this very thing that pushed the followers on despite the fact they had just escaped the devil herself (or at least what they considered to be a close representation).

"Just for the record, none of this was in the pamphlets when I joined." One sighed. "Just saying."

"We do what must be done for the greater good," The leader said. "We were fortunate this time, my fellows. Very fortunate."

"I'm still not sure about that deal we made." The leader nodded.

"It is a hit to our pride, it is true," he agreed. "However, in the name of our most holy duty we must take such hits. Especially if we don't want to get killed."

"Yeah, that's not it; I'm talking about this quest to find these four... gemulets?" The follower went on. "It sounds like the plot to an old 90s movie that lectures us about how nature is good and man is bad."

"What are you talking about? It's nothing like that!"

"Yeah, it's like the plot to a video game." the third put in.

"What you mean the crappy ones based on television series or movies? Or the old nintendo ones where you spend hours and hours playing without a guide and only get a crappy pixel cartoon as a reward?"

"Oh, you didn't play those games for the end; you played for the _game_."

"Which sucked on story."

"Did not!"

"Please! The most complicated plot we ever got was the one where Mario dreamed it all!"

"Meanwhile, you got to fly as a princess!"

"Enough! We're getting off topic. Also, that ending really was a cop out." the leader interrupted. "Crappy 90s plot or not, we must do what the beast commands."

"Why? She can't get to us now, can she?" The leader just about had enough of these questions. They were followers for goodness sake, not questioners! They should just follow like mindless sheep, like the other cult.

"Look, I'm not crossing a dark shadowy monster who knows were I live; I don't want to open a package and get attacked by a shadowy monster." he snapped. "Besides, if it means capturing the unworthy one we will make deals with a _thousand_ demons, you hear?! Now suck it up! Besides, we're going to live forever, we don't need to worry about our ' _immortal souls_!'"

The followers weren't sure about this, but their leader was right; All that mattered was capturing the unworthy one so they could sacrifice him and appease their god. Everything else was immaterial.

(*(

"He's just trying to find a way to fix ya, Stan," Mabel said as the mini-grunkle laid flopped on the floor. Stan frowned.

"Nothin' wrong with me..." He rolled sat up angrily as Gomper started gnawing at his shirt. "UGH! Gompers! Knock it off!" he snapped, pulling his shirt away. "Why do I even own a goat?" Mabel just shrugged. She never did ask that. Laying opposite of Stanley was Dipper, who had his own issues at the moment.

"Oh man! I can't believe I lost Great Uncle Ford's journal!" he bemoaned. Now that he was rested, fed, and in the relative safety of the shack with Ford working on a cure for Stan he was free to let his distraught overcome him. "What am I supposed to do now? I'm useless!"

"Aw, don't say that, bro bro!" Maybe assured him as she shuffled over to his side. "You know that's not true..."

"Mabel! Yes it is!" Dipper snapped. "In that forest I wasn't able to do anything! We would have died if Ford and Wendy hadn't shown up."

"Ford didn't do anything," Stan just muttered bitterly. "The only reason he wasn't—whatever that was- food is because of the stupid silver guys." He blinked thoughtfully. "You think they got eaten?"

"I don't know, I don't have the journal!" Dipper exclaimed dropping an arm over his eyes. Stanley frowned at him.

"Er, are you going to be like this forever?" he asked. "Because if so, I'm gonna turn the tv back on." Mabel spoke up.

"What we need is someone who can cheer up you gloomy guses!" As soon as she said this the front door swung open and in the way a tall, round shape stood heroically.

"Hey, dudes!" Came the friendly tone of everyone's favorite handy man.

"Soos!" The kids minus a slightly confused Stan cheered happily as they leapt up to greet their friend. "Where were you?"

"You've missed out on like...Everything!" Soos bent nobly to throw his arms around their shoulders.

"That my friends is a long tale, full of adventure, survival, friendship, and cute animal friends. But never mind that, what happened here?" He stood and looked at the shack. "Did the corn and beaver people join forces?" Despite their best efforts the shack was less than up to speed.

"Uhh, excuse me!" Stan, who disliked being ignored, interrupted. "But anyone wanna tell me who this giant gofer man is?" Soos blinked at him.

"Mr. Pines? Whoa, did you curse yourself again? I thought you weren't going to use that cursed cream anymore?" Dipper frowned.

"Wait, _again?_ Did this happen before?" Soos nodded.

"Oh yeah, like ten years ago," he said, thinking back to the memory which may or may not become it's own fanfic in the future depending on the 'steam' of a certain writer. "It's actually a long story; See, Mr. Pines was worried about his advancing age so he stole some anti-aging cream from a witch and turned into a baby," Soos' eyes went starry at the memory of the adorable infant Stan. "He was so beautiful!" Dipper's brain was running on full power.

"Wait! If something like this happened before then...Soos! How you guys fix it?" he asked quickly.

"Huh? Oh, well a series of unfortunate and life scarring events happened. Long story short, we went to see the Witch Under the Cliff."

Mabel though for a moment. "Come to think of it, Wendy said something about her. Isn't she dead?"

Soos rubbed the back of his head. "Er, yeah. She kinda melted after Stan threw one of her wax dolls into a boiling pot. And by kinda, I mean completely."

"Whoa! I'm a witch hunter, too!" Stan said, cheerfully missing the point that his adult self possibly murdered someone. "That's so cool!"

"Heh! Yeah, it was; It was like the wicked witch of the west only horrifying and mentally scarring for life. And an actual scar on my butt when she hit me with a fire ball. It looks like a honey comb, the cereal, I mean. Not the one with the bumblebee dude, but the one with the hairy dude. Er, what was he again?" Dipper's shoulder's slumped.

"So we're back to square one?" he said gloomily.

"Ah, don't be sad, dude. Here, I got something that's sure to cheer you up—BAM!" Soos produced Dipper's (technically Ford's) journal. Dipper brighten the sky on fourth of July before fireworks become illegal due to idiots setting fire to everything.

"The journal! You—You found it! But how?"

"Oh, I found it while looking for your charred remains in the motor home." Soos said nonchalantly. "I also got your secret Wendy photos, Mr. Pines' guide to teach a bear to drive, and Mabel's boy band CDs." Dipper quickly took what remained of the charred shoe box, then quickly hugged Soos.

"You're the best man!" he said happily. Stan frowned at the journal in his hands.

"So this is the thing you were freaking out about?" he asked. "Doesn't look like much."

"This Great Uncle Ford's journal."

"So it's full of nerd stuff?"

"No! It's full of notes on all the abnormalities in Gravity Falls. See?" Dipper didn't really expect Stan to be interested. After all his adult self just scoffed-

"WHOA! Neato!" Stan cried, much to Dipper's surprise. Dipper blinked.

"You... think this stuff is neat?" he said, unsure if he heard the boy right.

"Yeah! I mean look at all this stuff! It's monster galore! Did Ford and I discover them?" Stan took the book and started flipping through the pages. "Wow, lookit all this stuff-! Zombies? Anmd we can summon them! Sweet! I can summon a demon army and go after Crampelter!" Dipper jumped.

"Stan, I don't think-!"

"Hey, what's this?" Stanley pointed to an image of a door.

"Huh? Oh that's..." Dipper took the journal from Stan and started reading from it. "Case #28, the cursed door." Soos glanced over the boy's shoulder.

"He

"Whoa, sweet! Let's check it out." It took a few seconds for Stan's words to work their way through Dipper's brain, but it was Mabel who spoke.

"What?! Are you serious?" Stan nodded.

"Yeah, sure!" he said. "I mean places like this usually have gold and stuff, right? That's how Ford and I got most our stuff. Besides, Ford wants me out of the way, so I'll get out of his way." He added this last part gruffly. He ran towards the door way. "Last one there has to pay sacrifice!"

"I know I should be the responsible one, but I don't care! Adventure! WOO-HOO!" Dipper made to follow, but his sore body stiffen. "Ow! How how is he able to move like that?"

"Embrace the pain, bro!" Mabel said as she slapped his back. "It'll make you stronger and see blinding flashes of colors!" Laughing, Mabel ran after her mini-uncle. Dipper winced, but straightened himself before following the other two.

Soos waved after them.

"You dudes go ahead," he said. He looked around. "Err, I got work to do." A piece of the ceiling fell. "Welp. Time to pull out the wood glue and duck tape."

 **(End of Chapter5)**

I know, short, but at least Soos is back! I know you all want more Stan and Ford bonding and you'll get it, but I want to get the others out of the way first. Also, I think Ford would be very stubborn in the beginning.

Thank you all for your patience; a lot's been happening in my life and well, I'm sure you know how it goes.

Please review!


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